Suicide can be difficult to talk about. We may worry about saying the wrong thing, making someone uncomfortable or making the situation worse. But starting a conversation can help someone who is struggling feel less alone.
One common fear is that asking someone about suicide could put the idea in their head.
“This is a myth,” said Michelle Carlamere, LCSW, Vice President at Oaks Integrated Care. “In Question, Persuade, Refer (QPR) training, which consistently takes place at Oaks, we discuss how talking about suicide only provides support, information, and often relief.”
Misconceptions like this can contribute to the stigma surrounding suicide and make people more hesitant to talk openly about it. During Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, we’re encouraging everyone to feel more comfortable reaching out and listening with compassion.
Start the Conversation
If you notice changes in someone you care about or feel that something isn’t right, check in. You don’t need to have the perfect words.
“Asking the question begins the conversation,” Michelle said. “Simply asking someone if they’re okay and letting them know you’re concerned opens the door for this conversation to take place. How you ask the question does not matter as much as making sure you just ask it.”
Letting someone know you have noticed a change and that you care can create an opportunity for them to share what they are experiencing.
Listen Without Judgment
If someone opens up to you, listen. You don’t need to immediately solve the problem or have all the answers.
“If we notice a change in someone, we’re encouraged to meet them where they are, ask if they’re okay and let them know we care and want to support them,” Michelle said. “Just knowing someone cares and understands is validating and necessary, and tends to bring relief and calm.”
Avoid minimizing what they are feeling with comments such as “you don’t really mean it,” “other people have it worse” or “think about what it would do to your family.” Instead, give them space to talk and thank them for trusting you.
Ask Directly About Suicide
If you are concerned that someone may be thinking about suicide, it is okay to ask directly: “Are you thinking about suicide?”
Being clear can make it easier for someone to share what they are really experiencing.
“In our trainings, we specifically say that if you remember nothing else, remember to ask the question and remember 988,” Michelle said. “988 is the suicide and crisis hotline and can link people with resources and assistance. You can offer to stay with the person and be with them when they call, text, or chat 988.”
Suicide prevention is part of our work throughout the year. Certified trainers provide annual QPR training to staff, and our Zero Suicide Implementation Team meets regularly to strengthen how we recognize risk, talk about suicide and connect people with support.
Most importantly, if someone tells you they are having thoughts of suicide, take them seriously and help them connect with support. Call or text 988. If there is immediate danger or a life-threatening emergency, call 911.
