You’re concerned and want to help, but you don’t want to say something that pushes them away or makes things worse. That’s the fine line to walk when a loved one is struggling with substance use.
Addiction can affect a person’s health, safety, relationships, work, and education. It’s a complex condition with no perfect solution. Before you have a conversation with your loved one, give careful thought to when, where, and how to approach them and what to say.
Set a Realistic Goal
Don’t expect them to quit right after your conversation. The goal should be to let them know you’ve seen their substance use, you’re concerned, and you’re there for them. This will make them more likely to acknowledge their substance use and seek help.
Get the Place and Timing Right
You’re loved one should be sober, relaxed, and in a private, low-pressure space. Avoid having a conversation right after an argument or incident tied to their substance use. Also, make sure you’re in the right state of mind and not stressed or angry.
Share Observations and Concern
The conversation can become confrontational if you sound judgmental or shame your loved one with accusations or labels (you’re an addict, you have a problem).
Have they missed work or family obligations? Did something happen as a result? Do they seem unhappy or withdrawn? If so, what specifically have you noticed? Start with “I” statements (I noticed, I’m concerned) and express your concern.
Listen Closely and Patiently
It’s okay to ask non-judgmental questions about how they feel or what they’ve been experiencing. Let them answer and express themselves. A little silence or pause isn’t a bad thing. They might just be trying to organize their thoughts, so don’t jump in until they’ve sent a clear message that they’re done.
Be Prepared for Resistance
Denial, anger, frustration, dismissal, and embarrassment are common responses. Stay calm. Let them express what they’re feeling about a deeply personal and delicate subject. Focus on supporting your loved one, not winning an argument. Again, listening is a critical step because it shows you’re concerned and want to help.
Offer Support
Simply being there for a loved one struggling with substance abuse is helpful, but see if they would be open to treatment or receiving helpful resources in the community. If they’re willing to try treatment, ask if they’d like you to go with them to their first appointment for support.
August 31 is International Overdose Awareness Day. Oaks Integrated Care is committed to ending overdose and getting rid of the stigma around substance use disorder. We know talking about substance use isn’t easy for you or your loved one, and we’re here to help.
If you know someone who’s may be struggling with substance use, or you’re not sure how to approach them, contact Oaks at 1-800-963-3377.
Ready to Stop the Stigma? You can be part of the solution by signing our pledge. Together we can build a world where mental health is prioritized, and no one feels alone.
