If you suspect a loved one is struggling with their mental health, or they open up to you about thoughts and feelings that are causing them pain or stress, you want to help. But saying the right thing might not be easy.
The good news is that you don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be a trained clinician. or “fix” the situation. You just need to be present and patient, listen to what they say, validate what they’re feeling, and show that you truly care for them.
What to Say to Someone Who’s Struggling
- That must be hard.
- I’m sorry you’re going through this.
- It’s okay to feel that way.
This validates what your loved one is feeling and encourages them to open up about what they’re feeling.
- I’m here for you.
- You can talk to me any time.
- You’re not alone.
Reassurance and an offer of genuine support provide comfort and relief to someone who’s struggling.
- I noticed (change you’ve observed) and wanted to see if you’re okay. Show you’re concerned without judging them or accusing them of doing something wrong.
- Do you want to talk about it, or should I just listen? Give them control over the conversation so it doesn’t go farther than they’re prepared to go.
- Do you need me to pick up (child) from school? Need help around the house? Let’s have lunch this weekend. Support looks different for different people. Think of a specific way you can provide support instead of saying something vague, like “let me know if you need me.”
What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Struggling
- Cheer up.
- Think positive.
- Snap out of it.
- It’s all in your head.
- You’ll get over it.
These statements are dismissive and invalidate your loved one’s struggles. They can make it sound like their struggles are their fault, a sign of weakness, or just not serious. Remember, mental illness isn’t caused or solved by will power.
- Other people have it so much worse.
- You have no idea how good you have it.
- I know how you feel.
Comparing one person’s struggles to someone else’s can minimize their experience. Mental health is not a competition. Unless you’ve had the same experience or mental health disorder, you probably don’t know how they feel.
- Why don’t you try (therapy, exercise, eating healthier, taking a vacation, etc.)?
This can imply that your loved one isn’t trying hard enough to feel better, or that there’s a simple solution. Avoid offering suggestions unless you’re asked.
When Professional Support May Help
Being there for someone who is struggling can make a meaningful difference. Listening, showing compassion, and reminding them they’re not alone are powerful ways to support someone through a difficult time.
But it’s also important to remember that you don’t have to carry the responsibility on your own. Mental health challenges sometimes require the support of trained professionals who can provide care, guidance, and treatment.
If your loved one seems overwhelmed or their struggles continue for a long time, encouraging them to speak with a mental health professional can be an important next step. You might say something like:
- Have you thought about talking to someone who specializes in this?
- I’d be happy to help you find someone to talk to.
- If you want, we could call together.
Professional support can provide tools, perspective, and care that friends and family alone may not be able to offer.
If you think a loved one is struggling and you’re not sure what to say, or they’ve expressed an openness to receive support, we can help. Contact us by calling 1-800-963-3377. You can also call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline(available 24/7 /365) to talk to a trained counselor.
